I lay on my bed, pretending to sleep. The only sound that filled the room was the clock’s ticking. (Tick) I knew I should wake up. I did not have time to waste. But it felt like the most difficult thing I had to do in my life. (Tock) This had been my schedule for the last three weeks i.e. lying in my bed.  I had left a good job a month back to study for the entrance exam of the top management colleges of India called CAT – Common Admissions Test. And for me, the best way to prepare was to give my undivided attention to it. So I took a risk and resigned. But now I was questioning it. (Tick)

Unemployed, I was burning through my meagre savings. And all I was doing was staring at the ceiling of the rented apartment. (Tock) ‘I might not clear the exam. Yeah, I am definitely not clearing it. I have even wasted three whole weeks of preparation time. What was I thinking when I left my job? What am I going to do now? How could I be this stupid? I am good for nothing.’ Every time I tried to wake up, my mind would just bring me down. The uncertainty of the future and the anticipated failure were triggering my procrastination. Why should I even begin when I will fail? This procrastination was further making me hate myself and thus question my self-worth. I was making myself believe that I am destined to fail. I was stuck in an endless loop. (Tick)

But today was a little different. As I pretended to sleep, I felt warmth on my palm. This felt odd against the otherwise heartless weather. It was the sun. I smiled ever so slightly and whispered, “Thank you”, as if almost to myself. 

It sparked something within. That feeling of warmth now spread through my entire being. Unconsciously this began a ritual of thanking the sun every morning. Slowly this habit of expressing gratitude spread to other aspects of my life – my studies, daily chores, relationships with friends and family and most importantly thanking myself for my efforts.

Within a week, I noticed startling changes within me. I was strategising and planning my study schedule. Every day I wanted to wake up early which felt like a dread just a while back. Doing the daily chores was an activity I looked forward to, and I even devised ways to study while doing them. I was happy and way more productive. This was because I had just encountered the benefits of embracing the attitude of gratitude. I went on to crack the entrance exam and cleared 4 of the 6 interview shortlists of the top MBA colleges in India.

This wouldn’t have been possible had it not been for this discovery. In this article I have articulated why adopting the attitude of gratitude can play a key role in deciding the happiness and productivity of our lives. Further, I have shared some of my personal tried and tested ways to make the practice of expressing gratitude more effective.

Why do you need the attitude of gratitude?

To not feel shitty – Getting out of the downward spiral of negative self-talk

Most of our thoughts are uncontrolled chatter. Chatter that we rarely pay attention to. Inside this utter randomness lies a subset of negative self-talk. And all it needs is a small trigger. A little failure. A promise we didn’t keep. That work we didn’t follow through. The deadline that we missed. That mistake we once made but never fail to consistently remind ourselves that it was our fault. A past action where we think we could, Nah, should have done better. Something so crucial that we shouldn’t have forgotten, but we did. Or even worse, something that we do remember, all the time, but all we do is procrastinate.

As in my example above, one negative thought led to another subsequently getting more and more worse. The result being we question our self-worth. Our confidence gets shattered. We treat ourselves as shit and become our own worst enemies. This is the downward spiral of negative self-talk. How could you possibly think to begin your work or do anything worthwhile when you are at this stage? You can’t blame yourself for being depressed or unproductive when your self-esteem is shattered.

It is quite difficult to just avoid the downward spiral of negative self-talk. We don’t even know what might trigger it and create havoc on our mental wellbeing. And it’s not just that. We don’t even realise that it is happening to us until we realise we feel quite shitty about ourselves.

But wait, don’t panic. There’s a silver lining. In between this negative self-talk, there is always that one conscious moment. The moment when we are aware of our thoughts and know they are leading us to a messed up end. This pause, this one break is the key. This is where the attitude of gratitude comes as our knight in shining armour. It forces us to pause this default negative spiral our mind was on and begin a conscious thought pattern. A thought pattern about the good in us. Gratitude turned towards ourselves forces us to think about the good within us. Things which we are grateful for. And slowly you will realise, that YOU are wonderful.

Focusing on the good improves your mental state and your mood. It makes you happier than before. Your improved mood makes you want to do your work. When you do your work, it increases your productivity. Improved productivity makes you even happier. There, now you can begin your upward spiral of positive self-talk.

To improve the way you look at life

Let me give you a small exercise. Recall a simple life event like booking a cab from your smartphone. How many times have you been frustrated when a driver cancelled your ride, was late for your pickup or demanded cash payment, else he won’t come? I know I have been. But now, if I ask you to find things to be grateful for in this situation, what can you come up with? When you are frustrated, it’s difficult to think about things you are grateful for, right? I can understand, but just give it try.

Maybe you thought of the capability to book a cab from the convenience of your home which wasn’t possible some years back. Or having multiple cab options in the palm of your hands. Maybe the many times you did get a cab when you anticipated vs the few times you didn’t. Or maybe, just maybe, the privilege to even afford a cab ride that you don’t even think about it twice.

This habit of trying to find things you are grateful for in different aspects of your life slowly improves the way you look at life itself. Even the most wonderful incidents happening to you can make you feel depressed if you decide to feel that way. But with the attitude of gratitude, you might be able to shrug off and move on from even the worse situations if you decide to feel that way.

But hey, do you mean in trying to change the way I look at life, I should avoid addressing my life’s problems?

No! Nothing good will ever come by just ignoring your life problems and being oblivious to them. The problems won’t go away if you just keep on saying ‘Thank you’. But how can you even begin to tackle them effectively when you are frustrated and sad. To change the way you look at life means to accept the reality as it is yet still to find things you can be grateful for in those situations. Because there always are. Practising the attitude of gratitude helps you to be in a state of mind where you are better equipped to face life’s difficulties.

A dozen things wrong vs. a hundred things going right

Negativity is attractive. Newspapers, TV, OTTs and the internet are bombarded with controversies, crimes, drama and gossip to capture more and more of our time. This is often the default pattern of the mind to fixate on things gone wrong. It could very easily cloud our focus on the things that are going right.

For example, remember a simple scenario of eating lunch. Sometimes I have found myself complaining about my food. Its taste or the lack of its variety. But often I ignored all the things that were going right because of which the food was on my table that day. The farmers cultivating it, the transporters delivering it, the convenient location where the raw material was available for me to buy it, the availability of spices in shops nearby to make the food tastier and the clean water & gas to cook the food delivered right in my home.

Pretty soon I realised, there were 100s of things that were going right vs. the dozens that went wrong. The attitude of gratitude helps you to focus on the complete picture rather than fixate on just a few things which you think are wrong. 

Often simple changes like these in our attitudes turn a life that sucks into a life that’s quite good.

To have happier relationships – family, friends and community

Whether it is you or me, all of us have flaws. But there are wonderful qualities within all of us too. Practising gratitude makes it easier for us to see that. Not only in ourselves but in others too. It allows us to consciously look for their virtues and good behaviours that we might have otherwise overlooked.

And when we have completed the first step of noticing the good in others, we can then express it. It is very easy to take for granted the important people in our lives. Saying ‘Thank you’ helps you to appreciate their value and the impact they have on our lives.

To focus on what you have rather than what you lack

Ambition. One of the main drives of human nature which make us restless. Restless to be better. To strive for better – jobs, money, relationships, possessions, fame and appreciation. This restlessness creates progress. And progress is good, right? Well, not exactly. What blasphemous thing are you saying? How can progress be bad? It can be if it is the sole metric you measure your life against.

Because it is a flawed metric.

Why?

Because it has no end. You can always be better. You always want more. Restlessness is great for your progress but can be damaging to your happiness. Because nothing is ever enough. There is not one day in your life, whether you are a teenager or near your death bed, where you will feel you have everything you have ever wanted. Let that sink in. Not a single day where your heart will be full and you are brimming with joy because you have achieved everything you have ever wanted.

So what are you advocating? Do we give up? We remain shitty at everything we do and don’t give a damn about progress? Are you stupid?

Well, hang on a second. Why does everything have to be so extreme?

What I am trying to convey is what good is progress if you don’t appreciate it? In this chase, it is very important to take a pause and appreciate the things you have rather than just focus on the things you lack. This is where gratitude comes into the picture. To bring a perfect balance.

The attitude of gratitude helps you to focus on things you already possess. It generates contentment within. This contentment helps calm the restlessness. It seeks peace. Expressing gratitude helps us to appreciate our progress and acknowledge the pompous as well as subtle signs of our advancement.

Gratitude plays a crucial role in leading a happier and more productive life. But it wouldn’t matter unless you implement it. Understanding how to effectively practice it is when it can start making a difference in our lives.

How to practice attitude of gratitude effectively?

Begin small

How many times have you thought of an elaborate plan about changing your life rooted in your enthusiasm, only to never begin at all? Or you did begin, only to leave it within a couple of days. The issue with elaborate planning is the overly optimistic schedule we commit to. And the enthusiasm which eventually fades away. And once we fail to follow through with our schedule, we stop trying.

Begin small. I began by appreciating the morning sun. That’s it. Slowly, the attitude of gratitude spread to other non-living aspects of my life. Through further contemplation it spread to see the good in others, changing my outlook toward different life situations and focusing on my negative thought patterns.

You might begin by being grateful for one of your virtues and noticing how you implement it in your daily life. Just by being conscious, you will realise how many wonderful things about yourself you have been taking for granted. Or you might begin by expressing gratitude to at least one person every day. 

Whatever you chose, begin small.

Do it every day

Pick something small, to begin with, and do it every day. The harder part is not ‘doing it’, but ‘doing it every day’. This is exactly why you begin small. You won’t become fit by going to the gym for 12 hours in a single day. But you would if you went there for 30 mins every day.

 Write 5 things you are grateful for before going to bed

Observing closely you will realise it’s not just how we begin today but how we ended our yesterday that governs our happiness and productivity. Going to bed while fixating on all the things that went wrong today had been my common habit. It not only messed up my sleep but also negatively affected my morning and the entire next day. Writing 5 things you are grateful for helps you recall your small wins of the day. Even if you had a miserable day and you can’t recall any win, it is ok. There are still many things going right in your life – the roof over your head and a comfy bed to sleep in. This practice takes less than 5 mins but has a significant impact on your overall happiness.

Say ‘Thank you’

I can’t stress this enough. Just say ‘Thank you’. To others when they help you, to yourself when you do the many wonderful things throughout the day, to that dog who brings a smile to your face or to that pair of comfortable sneakers for protecting your feet. Just the act of expressing thank you is enough to fill your life with abundance and joy.

Create Cues for reminding yourself

Create cues to remind yourself about your practice. You will need to restructure your work and home environment for this. For example, to pick up journaling before you go to bed, keep a journal adjacent to your bed. If you want to say thank you more often, keep reminders on your phone or stick notes where you spend most of your time. Be creative!

Hope this article helps you. Wishing you a happy and productive life ahead. If you have more ways to practice gratitude or new reasons why gratitude worked for you, let me know in the comment section.