Do you have freedom of choice?
Are you free to choose your life path and decide your fate?
[What about the obstacles to my goals? They do not let me choose what I want.]
Okay. Imagine a world where there are no hurdles in your route. No responsibilities, legalities, rules, economic, social or political conditions are holding you back. A world of equal opportunities where you have an abundance of everything.
Do you think you are free to choose now?
[Yes…… won’t I? I AM choosing it, and there is no one and nothing to stop me from doing what I want. I should have freedom of choice now, right?]
People often think of freedom as the absence of obstacles. But here is where they are wrong.
You have NEVER controlled your life, and even in an ideal world, you do not have freedom of choice.
Let me explain with a simple scenario.
Suppose I am out to see a movie. There are movies X, Y and Z playing. I choose the movie Y as I like the science-fiction genre and have seen its lead actress in other movies I love.
I realise I am hungry and decide to buy popcorn. Caramel, salted, butter, cheese and tomato are the flavours available. I finalise on cheese.
[Remember, this is an ideal world, so there are no hurdles on my path. Obstacles like being unable to afford things I want to buy (economic), societal or peer pressure to watch a type of movie (social) or any of the hundred other things. I can choose what I want.]
Did I exercise my freedom of choice?
No. I did not.
[But… but, you chose it, didn’t you? Those were your decisions. You did what you wanted to do.]
Yes, I did what I wanted to do.
But who chose what I wanted?
Who decided I like science-fiction? Why did I eat? I didn’t choose to be hungry. Who decided I like popcorn over other options and its flavour?
I did what I wanted to do. But I never chose my wants in the first place.
The myth of freedom of choice: Driven by desires
We were never free.
Throughout our lives, we have been driven by our desires. Desires that we never chose. And they have been controlling our lives since we were born.
I preferred the cheese-flavoured popcorn, and I would have never bought tomato-flavoured popcorn because I hate it. My preferences made me biased and forced me to choose cheese over everything else. But if I was free, I could have chosen any flavour. THAT is freedom of choice.
But we are enslaved by our desires. We obey what they order us to do.
[Alright. I might not have freedom of choice. But what is so wrong with following what I want. It does not seem that bad.]
It can be.
Not everything that we desire is beneficial for us. Not everything that pleases us is good. Not everything that brings us pain is bad.
The horrifying thing about desires is that they do not just influence our small decisions — what we will have for dinner or what ice cream flavour to buy. They also drive our critical life decisions that we keep on unconsciously obeying. Decisions to buy a home, a car, the city we choose to live, people whom we call friends, the field of education we pursue, the career we choose and choosing a life partner are all influenced by our underlying desires. From the minute we wake up till we are asleep, all we crave is satisfying our desires.
Can you imagine taking the wrong decision because of your base desires hiding under the guise of freedom of choice?
What if you pursue and end up being with someone just because you find them attractive? Maybe you could not control your carnal desires, and it blinded you to all the incompatibilities you could have seen had you been rational.
What if you pick a job because you care about the societal reputation it brings? Maybe it bothers you if others do not approve or respect your life choices, and you pursue a job to seek their approval while secretly suffering and hating it.
What if you are primarily money driven and want to be able to afford everything you have ever craved? But maybe while pursuing your desires for luxury, you pick a career that sucks the life out of you.
What if you commit this crime against your soul every day and only realise how unhappy you are after it is too late?
Terrifying?
The myth of freedom of choice: Social Conditioning
As if cravings weren’t enough, social conditioning influences freedom of choice.
A warrior tribe focused on dominance and bravery would pressure its members to act in a socially accepted way. The culture that ‘respect triumphs life’ can force individuals to pursue life-threatening situations just so that the tribe respects them. “I would rather die than lose my reputation”, could become the unsaid motto of this culture.
A society of erudite can look down upon individuals who pursue anything else other than knowledge.
A culture where money is the primary goal can pressurise its members to pursue materialistic wealth no matter what. By creating a single metric of success, money, individuals could be failures if money for them is just a byproduct, something to satisfy their needs and not the motivation of their life.
Parents can force their children to pursue their ambitions in the guise of — “I just want my children to get everything that I didn’t”. With the good intention of seeking happiness for their kids, they might force them to do things that make them unhappy in the long term.
This social conditioning creates desires within individuals for social acceptance leading them on a path they might not have chosen otherwise.
Restrictions to freedom of choice: The real world
In the real world, the decisions become more complex. If our desires didn’t drive us, we would still have restrictions on our freedom of choice. Economic, societal/family pressures, legalities or responsibilities for our loved ones affect our ability to choose freely.
These restrictions are often beyond our control and can only become a source of unhappiness if we try to control them.
But then, what is it that we CAN do?
How to get back control of your life?
Our preferences and our desires originate from multiple sources. They could arise from our childhood interactions, parental influence, culture, and society, or through our senses — what we see, touch, hear, taste and smell. The desires can arise from anywhere.
It can be almost impossible to be desireless. Then how do we stop desires from controlling us?
Stop being in the default mode.
Our default mode is to be controlled by our desires. But we are not animals. We do not just seek pleasures and avoid pain. We are rational beings and capable of reason. Reasoning can help us escape the clutches of our desires.
Tell me, would you rather be in the driver’s seat and decide your fate or let someone else (desires) steer and influence every vital aspect of your life?
We cannot stop desires from originating, but we CAN control our actions.
So, why not act on things beneficial for us irrespective of our desires?
We can bring back control in our lives by not falling for our base desires but doing what is good for us. We can avoid being in the default mode while blindly pursuing our lives and CHOOSE to act on things that are good for us.
How do we stop being in the default mode?
Whenever you are taking a significant decision influencing your life, ask yourself:
Is it beneficial for me?
The above question seems simple, but to apply it, we should first understand what it means to be beneficial. What does it mean to not give in to your desires and choose what is truly good for you?
Something can be beneficial if it passes the three filters:
- Good for you in the long-term: Choose things that are good for you in the long term. Most of our base desires crave satisfying our immediate or short-term needs. A thumb rule is that most decisions that are good in the long term are difficult and painful in the short term.
- Not forced due to social, peer or family pressure: You should not choose it because you seek approval from society, peers or your family. It is one of the hardest to execute and needs a lot of inner strength and assertiveness. By being aware of social conditioning, you avoid it by standing your ground. Do what satisfies your soul and not the people around you.
- Should not just satisfy the cravings of your senses: You choose what is good for you irrespective of your sense cravings. For example, you do not just please your taste buds but eat something beneficial for your health. Ending the mindless scrolling of social media or Netflix, you pick a hobby or something that you have been putting off doing for a long time.
There could be times when we know what is beneficial for us, but it is not possible to act on it. For them, we practice letting go and choosing the next best thing.
Sometimes, things beneficial for us could be the opposite of what we want to do. Sometimes, acting on our desires could be useful for us. We look at things from a neutral perspective. We do not overcompensate by fighting our desires all the time. Neither do we give in and let our WANTS control our lives.
We are rational beings. We can choose and are capable of acting on the things that are beneficial for us.
So get back in the driver’s seat and steer your life to create your best possible self rather than just giving in to your desires, falsely thinking of it as freedom of choice.